I had a friend and fellow writer in college who made it a habit of keeping track of every time her writing got rejected in a spreadsheet. Every story submission, contest entry, and agent no-go? It went in her spreadsheet. She even went so far as to make it a goal to get 100 rejections one year. She remains one of the most admirable writers I’ve ever met.
Why? Because the more she received rejections, the more she wrote and submitted. She treated every rejection like an accomplishment. But she would have also been the first to tell you how much it stung to get those dreaded emails. Just because rejection is a normal part of the writing process doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.
In fact, no matter where you are in your writing journey — no matter how successful you are, or might one day become — rejection will probably always hit you in a way you won’t like. But that’s OK. It’s even a sign you’re on the right track.
Getting Rejected Is Never Personal
I’ve been an editor for nearly 13 years. I’ve worked for magazines, online publications, and the like. I’ve spent a lot of time reviewing writing submissions, deciding whose words get to be published and whose do not, and an editor’s favorite part — actually sending rejection letters. (It’s not my favorite part. Actually, I hate it; I wish everyone who wants to get published had a fair chance to do so.) And I can tell you one thing for absolute certain: A writing rejection is never about you.
Nine times out of ten, I sent out rejections to writers because their writing or their specific pitches just didn’t align with what I or my publication needed at that time. If it were an issue of weak or inexperienced writing, sometimes I’ve tried to give advice when warranted, but if you know anything about publishing, you know how limited an editor’s time is, and how much unpaid work we already put into our jobs. It is almost always because your work is good — it’s just not right for the particular person or publication saying no.
And that’s why you can’t quit after one or two rejections. Chances are, there is a person or place your words are perfect for. You just need to keep submitting until you find the perfect fit. That takes a lot of time, effort, and willpower; I know that from experience. But the only way to overcome the issue — your good writing hasn’t found its home yet — is to keep searching until you find one.
We Can Learn a Lot From Our ‘Failures’
I don’t consider rejection a failure — especially since most of the time, a rejection isn’t the writer’s fault (see above). But we can still treat rejection as an opportunity to improve. A chance to refine our craft, our pitch emails, our voice — anything we feel we could do better.
Think about it like this: If you’ve spent a year writing and revising a book and agents aren’t picking up your queries, you can feel hurt by that. It’s a totally valid and normal feeling. You can be frustrated, and you should take the opportunity to feel those feelings and explore why you’re feeling them. But at the same time, you can also — while you’re waiting to hear back as you send out more queries — keep working on your book, or start on something new. You can do both at the same time. The only way writers really learn is by doing — in our case, of course, by actively writing. And hey — at least you’re having emotions about your prospects. That’s important.
Feeling upset or discouraged after a rejection is a good thing. it means you care about your work, and you want your stories to be seen. If you didn’t care, if you didn’t really want this, you would have already given up. But you’re here, reading this. So I’m just assuming you haven’t given up (yet).
Don’t Just Celebrate Your Wins, But Your Losses Too
My college writing friend was pretty good at turning her rejections into victories, but she also made a good effort to celebrate her wins as well. Because yes, she was getting rejected a lot; she was also writing and submitting a lot more. Statistically, that meant that she would probably get some acceptances here and there. And she did. And she was loud and proud about those wins, because she deserved to be. She worked hard for those “yes” emails, and she got them.
There are a lot of people out there (especially on the internet) who will try to make you feel guilty for celebrating your accomplishments. They’ll make you feel weird about discussing your rejections, too. Ignore them. Writing is not as solitary of a profession as you might think. Some of us need external accountability. Some writers need a sense of community, people to lift them up but also friends and fellow writers to sit with them in the trenches when things aren’t going the way they’d hoped.
Treat your losses and victories for what they are: Progress. Every “no” is a step in the right direction, the same way every “yes” is one yes closer to achieving your wildest literary dreams. Rejection is one of the hardest things to overcome as a working writer. But many before you have survived it. Many after you will survive it. And you, too, will survive it.
So … what are you waiting for? Go on. Get some rejections on that spreadsheet. You’ve got this.
Meg Dowell Writes 