I have a lot of friends and loved ones who are a lot more accomplished than I am. And that’s not a dig at myself — I’m on my own journey, and my timeline is the only one that matters. I say this because I’m surrounded by amazing storytellers who have put in the work and are celebrating the rewards they have earned. It’s extremely cool to see people I love get what they deserve — and for me, it’s a strange form of motivation on days I don’t want to write.
Surrounding yourself with successful creatives is a really fun way to keep your ambitions in check. (Plus, sometimes, you get free books!) But this can sometimes have its downsides. Jealous is a totally human emotion. It’s how you respond to someone else getting what you wish you had that matters.
It’s Not Jealousy; It’s Confirmation
I don’t get jealous of my successful friends. I do, however, sometimes watch them shine and hope I get to stand on those metaphorical (or sometimes literal) stages one day too. There’s a big difference between wanting what someone else has and resenting someone for having what you don’t. In my lowest, most selfish moments, I’ve found myself burning with jealousy. But these days, the more I watch the people in my circles grow, the more I realize I don’t hate that anyone else who deserves it has found success. I sometimes just wish I’d hurry up and catch up to the party.
When you realize you know someone who is living a life you wish you had, you have the opportunity to use this to your advantage — and not in a way that’s going to hurt anyone else, mind you. You want what they have not because they have it … but because that also happens to be your end goal. You are allowed to have the same ambitions as other people. In fact, sharing dreams with friends is probably one big reason why you have those friends.
This is your sign that you do, in fact, know exactly what you want. Maybe it took someone you know having that thing for you to realize it, but at least you’ve made it there. This is what you want! But if someone you know can do it, hey — so can you! But do try to remember that while you pursue your own ambitions, celebrating others’ wins is just as important of a goal.
Writing Success Is Not a Solitary Achievement
I used to sit alone in my bedroom and write stories no one else ever read (because I refused to let them). For a long time, I thought it was all up to me to go from “writes in solitary confinement with no support” to “published writer with a team behind her efforts.” And to be clear, parts of this process absolutely are all up to you. People don’t show up to a writer’s side if nothing ever gets written.
But so much of this process IS about the people who end up in your corner. And trust me, you’re not going to have many worthwhile people around you if you’re not a team player. If you want this, you have to emit the level of kindness, optimism, and supportive attitude that you want others to have for you.
You are not the sole person responsible for achieving your dreams as a writer. You may have been the one to sit down and pound out that story. You might be the one to then pick it apart and put it back together in a similar yet more polished configuration. But you are not alone. And you should act like it.
The Best Writers Are Also the Loudest Cheerleaders
The only part of writing that’s strictly solitary is the actual writing portion. The stretch of time where it’s just you, your writing implements of choice, and the story you’re trying to wrestle into the parameters of the general publishing industry. After that, though — after your first draft is done, and maybe a few revised drafts after that, you become entirely dependent on other people to succeed as a storyteller.
When it comes time for your book to emerge from its era of construction into its final form in the real world, it’s no longer up to you whether or not your story finds its audience. It’s up to everyone else. And if you don’t have at least one extremely supportive cheerleader at that point, you’re really going to wish you had.
The best way to ensure you’re not alone at this stage is to be the cheerleader you hope to have someday. Even if you’re nowhere near achieving published author status yet. Don’t just be happy for the people succeeding in your field. Genuinely celebrate them. Cheer them on loudly — and softly, as you read their books — and mean it. To truly be supportive is to authentically celebrate the wins of other writers.
If you’re lucky, the best ones out there will do the same for you one day.
Meg Dowell Writes 