As I write this, I am, presumably, about 10,000 words away from finishing the first draft of a new novel — the first I’ve worked on in years. I don’t actually know how many words are left, of course — but I’ll hit my minimum word count goal soon. And soon after, I’ll reach the end of the story I was so terrified to begin.
After so many first drafts started, and a handful even finished, one thing has not changed for me over the years: Every ending still feels like a surprise. I never believe I’ve actually done it. And it takes so much self-convincing that getting to the end was worth the anxiety of getting started.
Why Is Starting So Hard?
Because we’re human beings. Because we’re anxious and afraid, and many of us use various methods of distraction to avoid wrestling with such difficult feelings. Chances are, you’re afraid of failing. Or you’re afraid that you’re not going to be able to finish what you started. Or you’re worried that even if you do finish, what you’ve made won’t be any good.
Successfully starting any kind of writing project, beyond coming up with an actual idea for it, often involves breaking it into smaller pieces so it doesn’t feel quite as scary. You don’t have to write a whole article or essay or poem or book. You just have to write one sentence. That’s starting. It counts. What comes after that varies by experience, as so many of these things do.
How the Middle of a Story Changes You
Usually when you start something, you sort of know how it might end. You may not know all the pieces of your ending or how you’re going to get there, but you probably know the basic framework for how your characters are going to change from when you first introduce them in the opening chapters. What you probably aren’t prepared for is how that uncertain middle portion is going to force you to change not only parts of your project, but yourself as well.
Writing changes who we are because writing requires us to gather fragments from our very souls to construct a believable narrative. This is why humans are the only authentic storytellers. Human experience is what makes a story come to life. And your story is relying on you to trust yourself and everything you are to fill its basic framework with magic.
What If the Ending Doesn’t Satisfy?
Endings are easy to write but nearly impossible to reach. Anyone who has ever written a story in full from start to finish should be genuinely proud of that accomplishment. How you feel when you reach the end of writing something may not always reflect its worth, but it does impact the way you interact with that piece of writing moving forward.
The ending will always be worth it. Even if it isn’t perfect — yet — or you’re not sure if it’s the right one. Getting there is worth celebrating. You did a hard thing. And even if you don’t think it’s good, or you’re not in any state to revisit what you’ve produced anytime soon, you finished a nearly impossible task. One way or another, you will come to appreciate the value in that accomplishment. Even if it takes a while to get there.
Meg Dowell Writes 