Write it all down. Every memory, every win and every loss, every dream and every nightmare. Write about everything, whether you want to remember it later or not. Because you will want to remember it one day. One day far from today or a day that’s closer than you’ll want it to be, you’ll need something to ground you. And there will be words from you of the past to do just that.
It will hurt to relive some of the things you wrote down a long time ago. But some of those same things will also make you laugh when you didn’t think laughter could be possible anymore. Remembering is hard, but it’s also necessary. Remembering is how we heal. Remembering, after long enough, is what helps us to put the pieces of our scattered lives back together. Into something resembling what it used to be, but also, into something completely new.
Write everything down. Every day. In a journal, on your phone, on the back of an envelope. Write about what brought you joy. Jot down what caused you pain. Even the seemingly stupid, mundane things you don’t think you’ll need to recall later. It’s those things, the little everyday things, that often become most precious later on.
Write it badly, write it quickly, get it out in your worst handwriting. Capitalization, punctuation, forget about all of that. It doesn’t even have to be organized. Leave scraps of paper in a drawer for your future self to discover later. Stick post-it notes all over the wall above your desk. Buy a giant whiteboard. Write down everything, even when everything is going well. And write it all, still, when picking up a pen feels like the only thing you have the strength to do.
You will want to remember all of it. The people you love, the silly things your kids say, the random pieces of advice your dad gives you when he calls. Write about the places you went, the things you bought. Your worries. Your fears. What interests you. What you’re most excited about right now.
It’s not a waste of paper or ink or space. One day, when you are in the unbearable depths of grief — a place you never think you’re going to stumble into until you do — it’s everything you’ve ever written down that will save you.
Write it all down. I wish I had. I’ll do better, now. I promise.
Meg Dowell Writes 