Meg Dowell Writes

Disappointment is like a wrecking ball. Everything’s great one moment. Then all of a sudden disaster strikes. The greatness fades. You look up and realize that nothing was ever as magical as you’d thought it was. Everything that had happened before meant nothing now. Tears well in your eyes as you realize you’ve been lying to yourself. Even more so because you hate to show your sadness.

At least, that’s the case with me.

I’m not going to lie–all of this emotion is probably a result of my tiredness. Or, you know, it could be that things this weekend didn’t exactly turn out the way I planned. Not that it wasn’t an amazing weekend. In fact, it was a tad bit more than amazing. But I did that thing where I subconsciously set myself up for disappointment from the beginning by setting my expectations too high. I don’t know why I’m surprised.

No one is really perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. Have you ever realized that no matter how many times in a row you tell yourself this, it doesn’t affect how you feel? You still feel worthless for your screw-ups. You still regret not knowing better. No one should let their mistakes get in the way of their hapiness and joy with life. But it hurts; it really hurts. It’s hard not to notice it.

It took me about an hour to do my physics homework this afternoon. That’s a new record. It was the hardest physics homework I’ve done all year, and I’m pretty sure I did it wrong. It was frustrating. I went up to my room when I couldn’t get it and had a good, long cry. But then I got it done.

I wrote a song yesterday. It was pretty fun. Except I couldn’t chord it because, well, I sort of forgot how to play the piano. When I couldn’t get any chords to fit, I tried playing scales. I couldn’t even play a major C without my fingers on my left hand always landing in the wrong place. So I’ve decided that I’m going to start playing again. After I dust off my keyboard, of course.

I think I’m going to go back to youth group tonight at my church. I haven’t been in an extremely long time. My friends kind of miss me…though they all saw me this weekend, if I remember correctly.

Well, it’s off to piano practicing! See y’all soon!