Meg Dowell Writes

Dress-up: every young girl’s favorite pastime. Princess dresses, sparkly tiaras, and who could forget the trendy plastic heels?

What they DON’T tell you about those gotta-have-’em shoes is that they’re dangerous. THEY COULD KILL SOMEONE. They probably have, and we’ll never know. They also don’t tell you that plastic heels and carpeted stairs don’t mix. Because, darling, they sure don’t.

I’d known him since the day he was born; he’d known me his entire life. It only made sense that, at two and four, we were made for each other, and just HAD to get married, right then and there, in my living room. I was all for it—what’s another chance to dress up like a princess?

Long story short, I chose my favorite pair of pink, plastic heels to wear on my wedding day. It seemed like a perfectly sensible decision at the time.

The wedding procession was easy: I was to come down the (carpeted) stairs while he stood at the bottom, waiting for me. We were then to proceed to the living room, where the ceremony would take place. Simple enough, right? Need I go any further?

I slipped. Not only slipped, but fell. Even worse than that, my groom saw it coming. What did he do? He stepped to the side. So I tumbled down the stairs in my princess dress and plastic demon heels, doing a face-plant on the hardwood floor of the dining room, because he didn’t want me to fall on him.

The lesson here is not, “Don’t wear plastic princess heels at your wedding.” The lesson is clearly this: Don’t marry a man—don’t even consider it—unless you know he’s going to catch you when you fall.

Love&hugs, Meg♥