Meg Dowell Writes

There’s a war going on between two people: me, and who I used to be.

I can’t figure out who’s winning. Sometimes I have the upper hand, and sometimes it’s her. Some days I take over her mind and fill it with lies, and set out to destroy her. Some days, she comes back and does it all to me. She wants to win. She’s hungry for power and wants the influence over the new me that I’ve tried so hard to grab a hold of. She wants to take everything I have and ruin it all, because I have things she never had, and she’s jealous. She wants revenge, but she won’t tell me how she’s going to get it.

She’s jealous that I’m stronger, and uses her anger to fuel every attack. She doesn’t want me to be happy, because that’s always what she wanted, and she never got it. And now that I have it, it’s her mission to take it away from me. She regrets so many things, and insists on reminding me why I should, too. I don’t want to. But I was her for so long. I’ve only been me for a little while.

It would be so easy to take her side; to give in to her, to let her consume me and drag me back to the place I was…it wouldn’t take any effort. I could let her in so easily. I could pretend I trust her, that I don’t know what she’s up to, and let her destroy everything inside me without stopping her. It was easier to get along with her, to be her. She didn’t have to do the things I do, or deal with the things I have to. She lived an easy, laid-back life, but remorse ate away at her sanity. And now she wants to claw away at what’s left of mine.

There’s a war going on between two people: me, and who I was.

She’s winning today. But tomorrow, I’ll give it my all, and maybe the day will be mine.

Love&hugs, Meg♥