Meg Dowell Writes

It’s really hard to imagine ever calling this place home.

I moved into my dorm on Thursday, said goodbye to my parents at four, and cried until seven.  My mom came back yesterday to help with a few last things, left at 3:30, and I finally stopped crying at five. I just talked to her on the phone and she was telling me about the cat being locked outside and the bees in the basement and I’m just starting to feel okay again.

I knew starting college would be hard, but I never imagined it would be THIS hard. I also know it takes a few weeks to adjust (which is why I can’t go home until September 17th), but I just can’t see it happening right now. I really regret taking advantage of this past summer. I hardly ever took the time to appreciate being home and having my own bathroom and having a kitchen full of food right downstairs, being near my family and my kitty, etc., and it’s killing me. I wish I could go home. I don’t have a car, a driver’s license, or directions.

The cafeteria food is satisfying enough, and I appreciate the lack of vegetables and the plethora of desserts, but I remember having dinner with my family Wednesday night and it’s just not the same. I had to eat dinner all by myself last night, and it was really depressing. I really, really need a real hug. And not from just anybody.

I’m going to struggle all the way until my next trip home, and I hope I’ll make it back after that. I’m trying very hard to make the most of a very difficult to handle situation, but the longest I’ve ever been away from home at a time is a week. Now that I know I won’t be going home for awhile, my spirit has been crushed. I should have practiced this before it actually happened.

I’m not one to quit. I want to, but I won’t. There are people in this world who will try something once and then give up, but I’m not that type of person. I know the sadness will go away. I know I’ll fall into a routine and eventually I’ll stop thinking about what I would be doing right now if I were at home (reading a book, wondering what mama will make for lunch). Right now, I just want to crawl into bed (one that’s supposed to be mine but doesn’t even feel close to it) and sleep through the next four years.

Meg <3