Guess what? It’s cloudy again, and too cold to sit out without a sweatshirt (I’m a wimp when it comes to temperature, it’s true). So I’m stuck inside, still procrastinating on packing, because even though I’m 80 percent sure I’m moving back to my apartment on Sunday, it just doesn’t feel real yet. And then there’s the whole suitcase factor. I still have to dive deep into the depths of our basement to find them. College student problems.
You’ll be happy to know that I did end up working on my memoir yesterday for a good hour or so. The thing with writing about your past is that you can’t just tell the story in the order of the way things happened, necessarily, and you really can’t write it in order, either. I’m learning that when I sit down to work on it, I have to write about what’s on my mind. What/Who have I been thinking about lately? How does that tie into the message I want to get across? It’s a very different process than writing a novel, article or short story. And I think I’m really starting to like that.
The whole reason I’m doing this at all is to come to terms with a lot of things I’ve been through that have shaped me over the past 21 years, and I feel like you can’t be at peace with yourself or the way you live your life until you’re able to embrace the people that hurt you, love who you have become and know who you want to be. I’m only in the process of figuring those things out, and writing about it helps a lot more than I thought it would. I think the reason for that is, I’m not writing it all down for anyone else. I’m writing it for me. So I’m speaking to myself, in a way, as I fill the pages. Honesty leads to trust, which leads to healing.
I don’t know what I would do without a keyboard, or paper and a pen. I’m glad I don’t have to think too hard about what the alternatives would be. I have my words – and sometimes that’s all I need. Sometimes all anyone ever needs is to release the voice no one else gets to hear, the one you have the power to ignore, tolerate or accept with grace.
Figure out the things that make you become real. Never let them go. Ever.