The Double-Life Dilemma

This whole pattern of posting one day and then ignoring my (now, virtually 2.5) readers for the next thousand weeks needs to end. College may be a nonstop marathon of biochemistry and nutrition-related articles, but that doesn’t mean I should be allowed to abandon my roots. I’ve posted on this blog (through its various name changes) at least once per month since 2009. That’s a pattern I won’t let fizzle out (even if it kills me).

It wouldn’t actually kill me. It’s a hyperbole.

Do you want to know what I’ve really been up to since my last post (besides drowning in chemistry concepts and reading articles until my brain wants to fall out)? Missing my novel. A LOT. But besides the fact that I have no time to work on it (do not tempt me with NaNoWriMo; I’m seriously trying to talk myself out of it), I’m afraid that if I do go back, I won’t be able to jump back in. That’s always been my problem. A friend of mine worked on her novel off and on for a few years before she finally finished it. Once I stop, I have a really hard time going back.

Am I the only one who feels this way? Probably not. There’s probably some theory or psychological phenomenon already out there that explains it (but if there’s not, seriously, don’t tempt me to come up with one). I really do love the story I worked on this summer, though, especially since it’s been my “baby” since freshman year when I made an attempt at writing a TV pilot. Same characters, more in-depth story. I think I just need to go back and read some of it. Right?

Wrong. It’s all about avoiding temptation here. If I go back and read it, I’ll be XYZ times more likely to start working on it again. Need I elaborate? College student. Senior. Double-major. NO.

I can wait until December. I can wait until December.

You’re shaking your head right now. You’re saying, “Why don’t you just write a short story? Get those ideas out of your cluttered collegiate head, missy.” If only it were that easy. I can’t write short stories on a whim. I can scrawl out a chorus or poem in about five minutes, but my stories are too complicated for it all to fit into a smaller amount of pages. Go back and read my posts about my Disorderly characters – COMPLICATED.

There are ways around this dilemma, but those include (1) never sleeping, ever, (2) drinking multiple pots of coffee per day, and (3) failing biochemistry. And as you can (hopefully) guess, all of these things are BAD. NOT POSSIBLE. NOT HAPPENING.

I would say been there, done that, but that would get me on a rant about my currently unfinished memoir, and we are so not going there right now.

But, speaking of which (sigh), I have successfully avoided so much as opening the document that holds the contents of my memoir thus far since August. Yes, I know I’m avoiding it on purpose. Yes, I know this is delaying my grieving and coping processes. No lecture necessary. But if you do want to “spam” me with daily persuasive reminders to leap back into the abyss, be my guest.

Within reason, of course. I do have a life outside of this virtual universe. Ask my friend(s). They’ll tell you so.

And now that we’ve mentioned avoiding the eventually unavoidable, I do have about 204 more things to do before I go to bed.

This is the life of a college (wannabe) novelist.

Love&hugs, Meg<3


One thought on “The Double-Life Dilemma

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