I am a chronic over-committer.
I also like to work, and learn, and create.
So sometimes I don’t realize until it’s too late that I have 15 things going on all at once when, really, I should only have about five, or less.
I am constantly reminding myself that writing a lot is not going to make me happy in the long term. That I am only one person, and I do not have to do everything, and if I say no every once in awhile, the world is not going to implode.
But new opportunities keep coming up, or I create them for myself (STOP THAT), and I can’t help it. I just grab them. I’m afraid to let them slip away.
I’m so tired right now I can’t see straight. I learned a new phrase for this feeling last weekend: “ugly tired.” I am as ugly tired as I have ever been. You might think that’s a complaint, one that doesn’t deserve to be voiced. I am young, I have a job (er, multiple), I am healthy, I do not have to pay rent. I am lucky. I do not have anyone else to take care of but me. What do I have to complain about?
Nothing, really. I’ve felt much worse than this before, emotionally, physically. At the moment I’m just coming off of midterms, which always kills me for about a week after the fact, and I’m behind on everything, which stresses me out. You have to understand, I guess, that to me, work is all I have. I don’t have a family of my own and I’m not in school full time. So what I have to focus on is my career, and when that is seemingly not going well, everything else falls apart.
I love writing as a job and when I’m doing it on my own, that makes me happy, too. But some days I want nothing to do with it. Why? Because I do it every single day. I cannot remember the last time I went a day without writing anything. I know I need to take a break, and probably back off on many projects at least until school is finished in October. But I don’t WANT to stop. I just want to stop feeling so stressed and tired all the time.
We all have days like this, and the best thing we can do, perhaps the only thing we can do, is remind ourselves that this is all going to be worth it.
It is all going to be worth it. Someday. And that day may not even be too far away.
The past six months have been some of the most productive, most stressful, most difficult and most rewarding months of my post-graduate life. Writing as a job is not easy, especially when you’re as awful at time management as I am. I still haven’t learned how to balance work and play. I know that if I want to continue working and feel better as I do, I need to get better at balancing.
They say that when you have too much to juggle, something has to give.
Maybe not. Maybe I’m just wasting a lot of time on Facebook and playing too many video games.
Meg is the creator of Novelty Revisions, dedicated to helping writers put their ideas into words. She is a freelance writer and an eight-time NaNoWriMo winner with work published in Teen Ink, Success Story, Lifehack and USA TODAY College. Follow Meg on Twitter.
Image courtesy of hubspot.