I’m kind of nervous about letting you see this. I mean, for all you know I’m just an abstract representation of all kinds of neurons in your brain firing all over the place, convincing you to do weird stuff like make up stories and draw pictures and whatever. But I have feelings, you know. Well, not real emotions, like people have. I’m your creativity – I’m part of your brain. Part of what makes you who you are. I’m just trying to respond to your behavior. Give me a second to think.
Well, I guess you’re wondering now why I’m writing to you. Kind of weird, I know. I guess the only way to justify this is to phrase it in a way you’ll understand. If I were a human, I’d say you’ve bruised my feelings. That’s how you’d say it, right? I don’t think you get how your behavior is affecting me – affecting our relationship. I know you’re busy and all that. But hello! You wouldn’t be so busy if it weren’t for me. I’m where all your ideas come from. You owe me. Ugh. Read this, at least. That’s all I want.
I guess I’ll say it this way: I’m lonely? I miss you? You’ve abandoned me?
OK, I’m sorry if this gets too sappy but I don’t know how else to get you to pay attention, so here it goes.
Sometimes I just want to spend time with you and, I don’t know, it’s like all you do is ignore me. It feels like you forget about me until you feel like you need me. Then you get mad at me when you’re trying to use me for one specific thing and it doesn’t work. Like that time you were trying to work on writing your book, and you got an idea for another story instead. It’s not my fault cool stuff happens when we’re together. It’s not my fault you think you’re so busy that there’s no time to make me feel important.
You know what it’s like? It’s like a long time ago you put me in a box and put a lid on top of the box. And every once in awhile you’ll take off the lid and you’ll talk to me and you’ll ask for my help. But it’s hard for me to help you when I’m stuck in that box. Why won’t you ever let me out of the box? I just want to run around and give you ideas and be happy.
And can’t we ever do anything besides stare at that bright rectangle and put words on it? Aren’t you bored of looking at that thing? I’m good for more than just sitting, you know. There’s lots of stuff we could do together. You know what my favorite thing is? When we go for walks. Just you and me. No bright rectangles, no dark insides of boxes. Sometimes you even let me sit on your shoulder and I can see everything and it just makes it all so clear – all the things we could think about and write about and sculpt and paint and I don’t know, whatever you wanted to do.
I want to do what makes you happy. And I know making words is your favorite thing ever. I know sometimes you’re tired and I’m tired and we don’t get along so well, and you’re sad about it but you just think I’m mad at you or something. I don’t get mad – I don’t have human emotions, remember? Sometimes you don’t use me enough and sometimes you wear me out. I need breaks, too. Can’t we just compromise? Go on more walks, maybe? Especially when you’re mad at me? That’d be nice. I’d like that.
You know, as a team, we’ve done some pretty awesome stuff together. I just want you to know not to give up on me or forget about me. That’s all, really. Sometimes you say there isn’t time … all I want is a few minutes. Ten? Twenty? Just “us” time. Time to come up with crazy ideas together and maybe even make stuff out of them. Can we? Maybe not every day … but that would be fun, wouldn’t it? Sometimes we come up with some bad ideas, but that’s OK. I always keep them around just in case we might use them someday. See, I care about you … I’d do anything for you. I just wish you’d do the same for me.
Think of me when you’re sad about stuff or you feel like doing something DIFFERENT. I like different. Different is when the best stuff is made. Don’t keep me in a box. Let me help you do cool stuff. Don’t hide me away when I can’t give you exactly what you want. This is a partnership. I inspire you and then we create. It’s amazing, isn’t it? Well, I think so.
Meg is the creator of Novelty Revisions, dedicated to helping writers put their ideas into words. She is a freelance writer and an eight-time NaNoWriMo winner with work published in Teen Ink, Success Story, Lifehack and USA TODAY College. Follow Meg on Twitter for tweets about writing, food and nerdy things.