Yesterday, I received some heartbreaking news.
While I cannot get into details now, what I can say is that we forget how difficult, and good, endings can be when it’s been awhile since we’ve faced one.
I have never liked endings. Not even the ones I looked forward to, like graduations and turning in final assignments. Finishing a book I’d started writing months or years before. Saying goodbye. Yet with every ending really does come a shiny new beginning: it’s more than just a cliche. I lost someone very meaningful to me a few years ago but that loss prompted me to start taking my writing seriously again. Some of the best writing I have ever done has come from grief and reminiscing.
I received the news around midnight last night and couldn’t get to sleep for hours afterward. I tried writing, but sometimes words just can’t adequately express shock, not right away, at least. So I woke up early this morning and ran 10 miles. Not at random, I’d already planned to do that. But as I neared the end of those 10 miles, I realized something.
We need endings. Or we’ll never grow. Not as writers, not as dreamers, not as creators or lovers or activists. Growth comes in stages. We can’t move from one stage to the next without wading through ending after ending. They’re hard. They’re often sad. But looking back on them, we gain a better understanding of why. Why do we have to go through this? Because it’s time to grow.
I also realized, having recently hit the 60,000-word mark on the novel I started writing back in November, that I have intentionally been avoiding finishing this story. It’s so easy to use busyness as a cover. I can’t say that enough. I’m guilty of it too. This book is very hard for me to write. It’s challenging, which is great. While I don’t plan on giving up, it’s just taking me so long to wrap things up, to really end it, to get the closure I need and to be able to look at myself in the mirror and say, “This was a good book. It was a good end. Look what you did. You are awesome.”
I don’t want it to end. It’s terrifying. But I have dealt with this while finishing every single other novella and book I have ever written. I can get through it. I’m just so sad. I’m not sad very often. But it’s okay to be sad sometimes. It’s okay to look at the upcoming finish line and feel your heart start to break, even though you know there are still plenty of good things to come.
I look forward to the months ahead. This blog is ready to grow. That’s the other realization I’ve made since last night. I think we’re doing great things here, but we can do so much more. I want to. I will. Just give me a little time. Endings are still hard, even when the road beyond holds so many beautiful things in store.
Image courtesy of alphacoders.com.
Meg is the creator of Novelty Revisions, dedicated to helping writers put their ideas into words. She is a freelance writer and an eight-time NaNoWriMo winner with work published in Teen Ink, Success Story, Lifehack and USA TODAY College. Follow Meg on Twitter.